I went to a 2-D showing of Avatar on opening weekend, but didn’t review it at the risk of redundancy. Did the world really need another write-up bashing the story’s unoriginality and praising the special effects? Based on what I saw in that 2-D showing, in a theater barely half filled, I wouldn’t have guessed that Avatar would become the phenomenon it has. But the film, now winning all kinds of awards, is still raking in dead presidents like crazy. So I decided to see it again, this time in 3-DIMAX. Five weeks after Avatar opened, the Sunday afternoon showing in the Madison (technically Fitchburg, but whatevs) IMAX was nearly sold out, many of the audience members back for their second or third helping. Why? Because the 3-D IMAX version is an entirely different experience altogether
Here’s how I see it: 2-D Avatar is like losing your virginity in the freezing cold backseat of a Volkswagen Beetle, and 3-D IMAX Avatar is like losing your virginity on a king-size bed surrounded by candles and covered in rose petals (on prom night, no less!). Interestingly enough, the Catholic Church is as much against Avatar as it is against sex, so if you’re going to experience one or the other, why not make it count? Like some sultry airhead strutting around in low-cut jeans and a barely-there cleave shirt, Avatar’s draw is linked purely to what’s on the outside, and what’s outside is pretty damn exciting, worth experiencing only in 3-D and, where possible, on anIMAX screen. There’s no way the experience will translate to the small screen.

In the absence of 3-D, there’s little to distract you from noticing just how bland the story is (though even the 3-D isn‘t enough to numb the painful C-3PO-esque one-liner, “This is gonna ruin my whole day"). Avatar works as pure f/x-porn. In all the water cooler/coffee shop/happy hour Avatar conversations I’ve overheard, nobody seemed to care about its environmentalist, anti-imperialist themes, themes that all Cameron films convey to an extent, though never this blatantly. All the hullabaloo over the f/x makes me wonder what more this groundbreaking technology can be used for other than large-scale battle scenes, which, again, won’t look as cool on a TV set. Better grandiose sci-fi epics will emerge in years to come, and (I’m stealing this from a weeks-old IMDB thread) we’ll probably look back at Avatar the way we look back at Peter Jackson’s King Kong (which is a better movie). Let’s recap: 3-DIMAX Avatar — a great movie? No. A great experience? Yes. (Bonus trivia question: Why is Avatar breaking every box office record known to man (and woman)? Answer: Because advance tickets to a 3-DIMAX showing cost $17 — ouch!)