Medium: Album
Stimuli: The 2009 Music Clearance Sale!
Anno: See above.

Well, 2009 was certainly a year where musicians recorded songs and collected them onto albums. In my search for new tunes to discuss, I occasionally gathered things that I meant to review but never did, and now it’s time to sweep my review bin clean. Au revoir, lurkers!

Kill Hannah – Wake up the Sleepers
If the Grammys gave out awards for Whiniest Music, Kill Hannah would make it to the semifinals at least. Singer Mat Devine’s girl-wails fall above David Bowie and below Klaus Nomi on the androgyny scale, though his insipidly romantic vocals drop him from their leagues. The tracks to hear are “New York City Speed” and “Strobe Light,” both of which are high-charged synth rock marches. “Tokyo” is good musically but a ridiculous Japanophile turd vocally. Everything else is dramatically bland, continuing Kill Hannah’s status as a singles band, little more.

The Bravery – Stir the Blood
The Bravery’s Sam Endicott falls into a similar category, though his vocal tolerability is more variable and the band’s music is more consistently listenable. While songs like “Hatefuck” and “I Have Seen the Future” have the catchy Bravery bounce, Endicott’s voice is set to squelch, drowning out the music. He’s at his best when set to croon, as seen in “I Am Your Skin” and the album’s best track, “The Spectator.” If you can handle the occasional squeal, this is a superior piece of synth.

Fuck Buttons – Tarot Sport
Sci-fi electronic instrumentals specifically meant for parties and drug benders. The music here is very good, but progresses in ice ages. Impatient listeners will wonder why they couldn’t just put a 10 second clip on repeat.

The xx – xx
Know when some music schmuck, for lack of better terminology, refers to dark, minimalist, and softly sung music as Gorgeous? Yep. Totally gorgeous. “Crystalised” is the album’s apex and the furthest this ambient rock band comes out of its shell. Though the lyrics are different, “Infinity’s” breakdown sounds suspiciously like Chris Isaak’s “Foolish Games.” And everything works, because whereas Kill Hannah ineptly postures at romance, xx IS romantic.

Kiss – Sonic Boom
It’s funny; this is Kiss’s first album in over a decade, and yet there’s nothing on Sonic Boom that they didn’t do better three decades ago. The fact that this album comes with a bonus disc featuring rerecorded versions of the band’s greatest hits only confirms this. Boo!

The Winner: Neil Diamond, for covering Adam Sandler’s “Chanukah Song,” saying “Marijuanukah,” and startling the shit out of me. Well done, my Jewish Elvis!